My Tanorexia Days

I had not heard the term "Tanorexia" until "Tan Mom"  Patricia Krentcil, made her debut for allegedly taking her 5 year old daughter into a tanning booth with her.  I started hearing more about tanorexia.  Tanorexic people don't think they are tan enough, and are always wanting to be tanner.  They tend to over tan.  Sometimes more than once a day.  Tanning makes them feel good and it is addictive.  They justify it and some even laugh in the face of death by saying, "At least I will know what I am dying of."  or  "At least I will look good when I am dead." It started making sense to me.  I had been tanorexic. I made excuses, and I felt like people were trying to take away something that gave me pleasure.  After a long day at work, it was my 12 minutes of relaxation.  I felt amazing after I walked out of the tanning salon.  I was sure I looked amazing, just like all the photos, and ads told me, because I was tanning!

Patricia Krentcil "Tan Mom"

I never thought or associated tanning with death.  I honestly thought that I would not get skin cancer. Dark hair and eyes, no family history, tanned easily....so, I signed my life away at the tanning salon because it said "risk of skin cancer."  It didn't say "in 1 year you will be diagnosed with something called Melanoma, and you will have surgery,pain,fear and guilt for the rest of your life.  You will make a lot of new friends and some of them will die.  Others you will watch fight and go through pure hell just to live.  Some are so young."  It never told me what I was REALLY signing up for.  So I signed and I tanned until I was a crispy shade of dark brown.  I was happy.

I have a ton of guilt for what I have done to myself, and for telling my daughter that she was too pale and she should start laying out to become tan.  (Mom of the year award there!)  So glad she didn't like to do it though.  (Whew!  Smart kid!)

My friend, Chelsea, said it best,

 "I try not to beat myself up too much because what is done is done, and all I can do is share my experience with others in hopes that they will make better decisions than I did, but I REALLY regret my tanning days on result day. Protect the skin you're in." 

 She posted this as she was going to get results of her latest scans. (Which showed NED by the way!  Yay!)

I also deeply regret my tanning days and can relate to her post so much.  We can't go back, so therefore we tell our stories, share photos, participate in trials, spread the word every chance we get, do interviews, see our dermatologist, bond and fight together and try not to go completely mad because we can't see what is going on inside our bodies.  We are helpless that it could come back when we are told we are NED.  It is all so not worth a tan. 

 I have been going through old photos for my daughter's upcoming grad party next month.  I have come across some photos that literally make my skin hurt!  This one in particular stood out.  It was taken on July 4, 2010.  6 months after I started using tanning beds, and had actually stopped for the summer for about 4 weeks.  It is embarrassing to me now. Back then, I am sure I thought I looked good.

Why?  Why was I so dark and crispy, and thought I looked good??  My kids look normal and I look so bad!   The words from my step dad echo in my head. "You are getting kinda dark."

I hated it when he would say that.  It wasn't the first time he had.  He knew not to come right out and tell me not to tan, because I would have gotten mad (and I still would have anyway!) Stubborn is my middle name! He would just tell me in a round about way because was worried about me.  Almost 2 years later, he went in for a check on a spot on his nose that kept bleeding.  He had a basal cell carcinoma removed from the bridge of his nose and it left an indent.  The man that used to slather on so much sunscreen to mow the lawn, he looked like Casper the ghost, was not invincible. He thinks it happened way before the days when he started taking care of his skin and using sunscreen.  (He was a life guard and used to race sailboats in his younger years.)  


 Here is another gem.  

  All I can say is WTF??  I remember talking to Kevin later and told him, "Wow, look how pale you are?"  He tried to tell me I was too dark.  How could he possibly love someone that looks like this?  SMH.  But he claims he does!  And I am grateful!

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  So there you have it.  My tanorexia days.  They were not my proudest.  It cost me a lot more than some bad pictures.  I have damaged skin and the fear EVERY DAY of a reoccurance, even though they say I am NED and caught it really early.  I have melanoma for the rest of my life. 

  I will now share the video of my interview last year for Melanoma Awareness month. 

   I really hope that more people realize that tanning is not pretty, it is damage, and it can cause skin cancer.  Melanoma. Fear.  Wrinkles.  Loss of elasticity of the skin. Premature Aging of the skin.  Fear.  Fear. And more Fear. 

  
  

                            It IS Cancer.

  
  

  
  

  

  Melanoma scar 2 days post op

  

  Melanoma scar almost 2 years post op

   So, please protect your skin and please protect your children's skin.  Trust me on this.  You do not want to deal with melanoma.  EVER.  Sharing in the hopes that you will listen. 

  
  

  Much Love,

  
  

  Melissa :)

2 Year Cancerversary

It has been over 2 years since my diagnosis.  I have spent over 2 years trying to spread awareness of this horrible cancer.  I have seen so much pain and suffering.  I have cried, and I have laughed.  I have changed since my journey began over 2 years ago.  I celebrated quietly with my family (and a cute, yummy, little cake!), my 2 year cancerversary on April 27th. 

I reflected a lot on the last 2 years.  I realized that I have really gone through a lot of changes since I was first diagnosed.  About 3 years ago, I was not indoor tanning, but getting ready for summer to start and that meant laying out on my lounge chair all weekend, "soaking up the rays".  Getting dark was the plan and I knew how to get my tan just right.  I would spend hours laying out.  I would love the feeling and the time I could "get away" and relax.  Funny, I don't miss it at all. 

I have spent the last 2 years trying to figure out how to spread awareness and stop people from doing the very thing that has caused me so much fear, pain and sadness.  I still haven't figured out how to stop people from doing it.  I have witnessed a lot of people continue to do it and not really care what it can do to them.  Some have even said that they don't care if they get it, because at least they will know what they are dying from, or they will look good when they are dead. 

I have seen a lot of ignorance.  I can't change it.  I can only put the info out there and hope that they will learn from it before it is too late for them.  I can keep spreading awareness and one way is by telling my story and the stories of my friends.  I have not passed up an opportunity to share my story, and my photos and I never will.  I still want to help change the world's views on tanning.


So, as I count my blessings at my 2 year mark, I will reflect and I will continue to go forward and spread the word that melanoma is called the beast for a reason.  It has taken my friends from me and I have the fear every day that it will take me away from my family.

Trust me.  It is not a great feeling to know what you may die from.  When you are diagnosed with melanoma, there is so much fear. There is no sure cure.  Cutting it out is painful and leaves scars that run deep.

 But, the emotional scars are much worse.

Melanoma, Melanoma, Mela-freakin-noma!

There are days that I call "Melanoma Days".  Those days could be good days, or bad days, depending on the type of "Melanoma Day" it is.  A "Melanoma Day" is what I call a day where everything draws me back to melanoma.   I have them sometimes and when I do, I pay close attention.

Started as a normal day.  I was at work and I started seeing butterflies everywhere.  Not REAL, LIVE ones, but a patient brought us treats and they were in a package with butterflies all over them.  I had a patient who had butterflies on her shirt.  My friend Briana who passed away last month, was a butterfly lover and I felt she was telling me something.

My next patient, who was new to our office, had been diagnosed with melanoma years ago.  She was stage 2 and was NED for the last 6 years.  She and I chatted briefly.  I love meeting others who are like me. It's like an instant connection!  Makes me feel good that I am not alone, and also makes me realize that this cancer is REAL and BIG.  There are a lot of patients that have melanoma in the practice I work for.   It is nice to swap stories and to meet people who have been a survivor for years.

At lunch, I went to pick up my daughter to take her from school to work, and she started telling me about a friend that was tanning and how she told her that she was excited and scared to do it for the first time.  My daughter told her not to do it because it causes melanoma and death.  Her friend said it was okay because they were the "UV free tanning beds".  My daughter was very upset by this and asked me to find out what they were because she was really worried about her friend.  I went back to work with no time left to research this.  I felt like it was just a way for the tanning salon to get people to lay in their death beds. (I had a lot of friends look up stuff for me that day, and as I suspected, there is no such thing! Thanks everyone!)

Then, when I got home later that night, my sister texted me that my niece's friend, who was only 15, died from stage 4 melanoma.  Another awesome friend got her results back from a biopsy of a strange mole and it was melanoma. Again.  Which means surgery, again.  And she was taken out of the trial she was participating in.  Damn.

As I put my phone down, a picture of my friend Briana was there and her beautiful face and huge smile were beaming at me.  I lost it.

*SIGH*

Sometimes, it would be really nice to not have these kinds of days.  That isn't going to happen.  I miss my friend EVERYDAY.  I encounter something related to melanoma EVERYDAY.  How in the world did my life feel like before melanoma?  I can't even remember anymore.  I think that the more I try to ignore melanoma, the more it is there.

When I was first diagnosed almost 2 years ago, I was scared out of my mind.  I reached out online and started sharing my story.  I started healing.  I didn't realize how much of a part of my life melanoma was to become.  It is a huge part of my life.  I have learned to live with it, to respect the sun, to treat my body with much more love and care.  I have become healthier.  I have become more intune with myself.  I have become a lot stronger and I have become a lot more focused on my life and where I want it to go.

I am kind of hoping that tomorrow is not so much of a melanoma day, because I have a lot to do.  But if it is, I hope it is a good news melanoma day!

Not Playing the Blame Game

As October and breast cancer awareness month ends, November and  lung and prostate awareness month begins.  I just want to say that although breast cancer gets a lot of attention,  and that I have a bit of "Pink Envy", I do hope that all other cancers, including melanoma, are someday acknowledged as much as breast cancer is.  I want a cure for all cancers.   We NEED a cure for all cancers!

I haven't been on her much lately, but I wanted to share a few things :)

At work today, one of the other nurses told me that one of their patients was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 melanoma.  He is a middle aged white man, and he had a mole on his leg, just like me.  Groin biopsy with a lot of lymph node removes.  3 were positive.  He went through treatment, chemo and radiation....he just had a MRI and it is in his brain now.

I can't explain what it does to me to hear of a complete stranger being diagnosed with melanoma.  I wanted to just walk up to him and give him the biggest hug.  I saw him when he was leaving, and he looked pretty healthy.  I couldn't help thinking, "He doesn't look sick".  That is how the BEAST works.  On the outside you can look perfectly normal and healthy, and on the inside you can have tumors everywhere.  Not to mention the fear we hide on the inside that we hide.  People not getting that you are in a serious fight for your life, like when you have breast cancer, or lung cancer.  We don't always LOOK sick.  We don't always LOOK like cancer patients. 

I am pretty sick of melanoma right now.  I really,really, REALLY hate it.  So, if you think I am crazy for getting upset that you are sun-tanning, or sun-burning, then you really must not get it.  And you probably won't truly get IT, until YOU get IT.  It took me awhile to get THAT.   I have learned not to push it onto others.  I say what I have to say, and either they accept it, or question me about it, or they don't get it and do what they want.  It isn't my problem after I give them info.  If they want to continue to hurt themselves and risk getting melanoma, that is their right.  It still pisses me off though!

But I will get over it.

There are a lot of people that can't accept that it is harmful to tan, or burn.   I recently lost my "best friend" because of my melanoma.  She thought I blamed her for getting skin cancer, because I used to sunbathe with her when we were teens, 20 some years ago... How ridiculous.  I downplayed my cancer when I first told her.  She had a lot going on with her son who has cerebral palsy and was ill for quite some time.  I spent most phone calls comforting and listening to her.  Inside I was battling depression and fear.  I was a wreck, but didn't want to impose that on her.  We talked less and less, the more I went through the after math of my diagnosis.  Anything I did say, she didn't quite get what I was talking about, so it became easier not to mention it.  It made me hold a lot inside, which was really not good.  I wanted to talk about it, but anytime I did, I just felt bad because, it seems like no one wanted to hear about it, unless they were personally affected by it themselves.  ( So thankful for my melanoma peeps on Facebook and Twitter! xo).  I assumed that since she was my "best friend" she would feel the same way my family did.  I felt like people thought I did it to myself because I tanned too much. I felt like they blamed me for my melanoma.  I blamed myself for it, why shouldn't they?  I needed the ones close to me to confirm that it was going to be okay.  That I wasn't a complete idiot for tanning so much I got 2 types of skin cancer.

 I didn't have many people outside my family that were really understanding and there for me.  She should have been there for me.  She wasn't.  A little over a year after my surgery, she posted on Facebook that she went to the beach (for 6 hours I found out late between 10-4pm. We all know that is the worst possible time to go!)  and that her and her 2 very fair skinned, young, daughters were "as burnt as lobsters, lol!"  Well, I was really upset by that to say the least.

She didn't get it.  Her oldest daughter who was 14 at the time, didn't get it.  Her friends (who I don't personally know and are VERY rude and verbally abusive and threatening, by the way)  don't get it.  In the interim I was verbally abused by her and her friends, and I was told that I was wrong by a mutual friend of ours.  The entire time, I held my head up and decided that if she really wanted to end the friendship, then that is what we would do, but I was not going to change the way that post made me feel.  If she would have held a gun to her children's heads that would not have felt any different to me than what she did.  She let her children get burned badly when she knew what had happened to me.  Her "best friend".  Who the hell was I to think that she would care enough to protect her very own children from the same thing that her "best friend" was fighting.   It was a very sad way for a 30 year friendship to end.

I don't play the blame game anymore about me getting melanoma.  It doesn't get me anywhere.  I have decided that melanoma has taken enough from me.  I am not going to live with guilt about choosing to tan, when I didn't know it was hurting me.  I am in a much better place after letting that guilt go.  I focus more on the fact that because of my melanoma, my daughter will never set foot in a tanning bed.  EVER.  That alone makes it worth it.

I hope you all never have to know what it feels like, or to have to try to explain it to someone else.  I hope that you never have to walk in our shoes.  It is not fun.

You don't just cut melanoma off and move on.   It is not JUST skin cancer.

I am doing well today.  I am over 1 1/2 years post melanoma surgery.  I remain stage 1 NED.  I know everyday that it could change.  I am busy living life, and not looking over my shoulder (as much!) thinking that I am sick and no one is doing anything about it. At stage 1, they don't do bloodwork scans, or even xrays.  I don't even have to see my oncologist for follow ups.  I am pretty much left to myself.

But I am happy, and celebrating life.

That is what it is all about.  Not letting melanoma win.

My First TV Interview

I contacted a local TV reporter who I was "friends" with on Facebook.  I sent her a message asking her to do a story on melanoma during May, since it is Melanoma Awareness month.  I told her a little of my story and gave her the link to this blog and my facebook page, "My Journey with Melanoma".  I received a quick response and she said that she was going to start covering melanoma on the news tonight and that she was going to be doing their weekly Newsmaker show on melanoma.  Then, she asked if I wanted to be at their studio in the morning since the scheduled quest canceled.  Ummm, YES!!!!!!  I wouldn't have ever imagined that I would be doing something like this!  I was always the shy, quiet girl.  I am NOT a public speaker, but amazingly (right now anyway!)  I am not nervous!  I am just excited!  I just hope that I can remember everything that I want to say! This is such a blessing.

I am not the only melanoma warrior out there spreading the word.  My friend, Kerry of PrettyPale.org has been a huge advocate for melanoma awareness.  She owns Kspin Designs, which is a children's clothing boutique.  She is a melanoma survivor.  She is amazing! This whole month, she will be out there giving away free samples, and spreading awareness about melanoma.  She does this tirelessly!  She is giving pale is beautiful knew meaning!  Hopefully, someday soon, we will accept our natural skin color. 

Another friend of mine, Chelsea, has been spreading melanoma awareness by blogging on Adventures With My Enemy...Melanoma, doing interviews on HLN with Dr. Drew and again today on HLN.  She is Stage 3 and was diagnosed very young with melanoma.  She is in a clinical trial and is a true inspiration! 

Susan, from Jilly's Jems, which is a non-profit organization for melanoma research, is a mother of a young daughter, Jillian, who is Stage 4.  She makes and sells beautiful bracelets and prayer beads.  She also is an advocate for melanoma awareness.  The proceeds from the sales of Jilly's Jems is split.  Part goes to Melanoma research and awareness and another part goes to a scolarship fund that was set up for a local soccer club in Jillian's name.  The beneficiary is a child who can not afford to enter the program and this allows that child to play.  She is a "Mama Bear" and I had the pleasure of meeting her in February at a melanoma benefit for another warrior Eric, Stage 4.  What a wonderful person! 

Reverend Carol, of Melanoma Prayer Center and Melanoma Grief Chapel, is a source of wonderful information, wonderful advice, and wonderful support!  She is just wonderful!  She also writes a blog Attitude of Gratitude.  She is one of the first people I connected with during this journey.  She is not only informative, she is smart and compassionate.  She is there for all of us warriors and she is one herself.  Stage 3b.

There are many more warriors and many more spreading awareness.  There are many who are fighting the battle of their lives.  They might not look sick.  They might not have hair.  They might be very depressed with their struggle.  There are many who have passed away after long battles with the beast.  Some passed soon after being diagnosed.  In the past year that I have been diagnosed, I have known of too many.  My goal by doing this TV interview is that with May being Prom season as well, and a lot of teens are tanning to look good in that prom dress.  I want to tell the dark side of tanning.  You may look great with that tan, but that tan will catch up to you someday, probably when you least expect it.  You can tell yourself all the things I told myself.  "It's just skin cancer", "They will just cut it off, no big deal". "I never burn, I don't have to worry."  ALL FALSE!!  I hope someday that there will be a cure for melanoma.  Right now there is not.

Please protect yourself and your children!  Wear sunscreen when you are outdoors and avoid peak times between 10 am and 4 pm.  Reapply sunscreen every 2 hours.  You should also wear sunglasses, as melanoma can attack the eyes.

Some statistics of melanoma:

         Tanning in a tanning bed just once, increases your chance of melanoma by 75%.

         Melanoma is the fastest growing cancer and the most common cancer in 20-29 year olds.

         If caught in the earliest stages, melanoma is entirely treatable with a survival rate of nearly         100%. If untreated and allowed to spread, there is no known treatment or cure.

         One bad burn in child hood increases your risk of melanoma.


         One person every hour dies from melanoma.

         Bob Marley died of melanoma, that started in his toe.  He was 36 years old.

DON'T BECOME A STATISTIC!  I will go tomorrow and speak for those that aren't here with us any longer.  I will speak for those that can't.  I speak for all of us affected by this horrible cancer.  I speak for the Samantha's, the Miranda's, the Eric's, the Keri's, the Kitty's and for all the melanoma warrior angels that have battled with such strength and grace.  I speak for the Briana's, the Eric's, the Jillian's, the Grace's and the Steve's that are battling to live.  I speak for all the caregiver's, parents, siblings, friends, spouses and children that are touched by this.  I speak, and you can too!

Meet the Real Me

So, today I got the idea to introduce myself to all of my friends and blog followers!  If you read my post from yesterday Finding Myself, this a little follow up from that.  Every one of us are made up of "things" that all together make us who we are.  They define us.   Here are my stats....

I am Melissa Ann Collins.  I was born in Michigan.  I hate having my birthday in December.  I have 1 brother, 1 sister and 1 step-sister. I am a child of divorce.  I am quiet.   I am shy.   I am a fan of Duran Duran.  I thought I was going to marry Simon LeBon when I grew up.  I am unwealthy.   I am an 80's child at heart.  I am a mother.  I am a divorcee.  I am a good friend.  I am a good listener.  I give good advice.  I am passionate about what I believe in.  I am caring.  I am honest.  I am short-tempered.  I love to laugh.  I love my kids and my family.  I love hugs.  I care about what others think too much.  I hate to make people cry.  I love music.  I would rather be taking pictures than most anything else in the world. I hate my job as a medical assistant.  I dislike my father.  I am very dependent.  I yell a lot.  I am very frustrated by things I can't change.  I hate being sick.  I have stage 2 melanoma.  I have 9 scars on my body.  I don't like to talk on the phone.  I hate rude people.  I love to travel.  I love Michigan.  I love lighthouses.  I am going gray.  I am vain.  I am not materialistic.  I love the sound of my children laughing.  I love puppies.  I love smores.  I am a chocoholic.  I miss smoking.  I am a very sound sleeper.  I hate mornings.  I am mostly happy with my life.  I am out-spoken.  I cheer for the under-dog.  I was teased as a kid.  I think I am fat.  I hate my curly hair.  I believe in marriage.  I love to shop.  I love to give to others.  I am impossible at times.  I like heavy metal, pop, rock, rap and some country music.  I play the violin.  I love to write.  I love to read.  I am addicted to facebook.  I want to be a photographer when I grow up.  I worry about world affairs.  I love the sun.  I am afraid of the sun.  I am afraid of dying.  I am very religious.  I believe in heaven, hell and ghosts.  I love to eat.  I hate to cook.  I clean when I am mad.  I am an aggressive driver.  I forgive easily.  I am very trustworthy.  I am a hard worker.  I adore my family.  I want to grow very old.  I love pedicures.  I love to dress up.  I love to wear high heels.  I love turtles and frogs.  I lived in Germany, California and New Mexico.  I want to go to Hawaii on vacation.  I am sad a lot.  I want to see a cure for cancer before I die. 

Just a few things about me. 

Finding Myself...The Melanoma Me

Today was a strange kind of day.  You know the kind I am talking about.  When everything is just "off" all day long.  One of my patients was late coming in for her appointment and she told me about a bad accident that was causing a lot of back ups on the main highway in our area.  She said she heard a man was hit and killed while changing a tire early this morning.  Not only was he hit by one car, but he was hit multiple times.  My heart sank.  I immediately grabbed my cell phone and texted my fiance to tell him, since he drives that way to work.  I waited to get a reply and was so relieved when I got a text back, because then I knew it wasn't him.  I know that sounds weird, but I am always worried about him driving.  I don't know what I would do if I was the wife that got that call.  My heart goes out to her and his children.  He was a firefighter for 17 years.  A good guy.  Seems so senseless.  On the news tonight, they gave tips on what to do and not to do when you have a flat tire on the expressway.  I realized that he helped a lot of other people, because the word is getting out about how dangerous it is.  I had two high school friends die the same way within the last 3 years.  Something good from something horrible. I wonder how many people he has helped in his career and now how many he is helping in his death.

Ever since I was diagnosed with melanoma, I have wanted to help others NOT go through what I am going through.  What I will go through for the rest of my life.  I have spent hours researching melanoma and the dangers of tanning.  Posting videos,information, pictures, etc. on here and on my facebook pages.  I have several future projects in the works as well.  I feel like it is what I am meant to do.  I honestly didn't know what tanning could do to me.  I know there are many that don't know either.   I hate that young teen girls (and guys) are tanning because they think they look better with a tan.  The damage is being done every single time they go, even though you don't SEE it, there IS damage.  One of the doctors I work with went to Cancun on vacation for 10 days and he came back with a tan.  One of his patients said, "You look like you got a tan."  He replied, "Yeah, but it will only last for 5 days or so!"  "Yeah, but the damage will last a LIFETIME", ran through my head.  The damage will last a lifetime, if it doesn't kill you first.  I see patients come in with tans and some of them are even being treated for skin cancer and STILL continue to tan.  I don't say anything, I am just there.  Keeping my thoughts to myself.  Wishing that the world would understand how bad  it is.  I don't feel comfortable saying anything at work to patients because I am too passionate about skin cancer prevention.  If I started, I am afraid I wouldn't stop and I would hurt people's feelings. It makes me sick and angry that people tan.  I try to remind myself that they don't know it can kill them.  Just like me.  I didn't know.  I learned first hand. I just hope they don't learn like I did.


Then, something else occurred to me.  If I don't say something, then who will?  I work so hard to spread the word on the web, but i haven't done much in my public life to educate people. Most people don't know the "MELANOMA ME".   Most people know me as their co-worker, a Mom, a friend, a customer.  They don't know the work I do for melanoma awareness. Not even my family.  Most of my posts are only viewed by fellow melanoma warriors.  It was kind of a sad realization.  I even keep my personal facebook and melanoma page separate because, I felt like I was losing friends and upsetting people.  No one would comment or repost anything.  No one was viewing my blog or liking my facebook page.  No one wanted to hear it,  not even my relatives and close friends. So  I started hiding the "MELANOMA ME" and pretending melanoma never even existed in a way.  I did it to protect myself from being hurt by people. I am just so passionate about it that I don't want anyone to make me feel bad about it.  But, if they don't know the "MELANOMA ME"  they don't know the REAL me.  Melanoma affected me like nothing I could have ever imaged, or prepared myself for.  It rocked my world to be told I have melanoma and that I would have to have surgery.  That I could possibly have more surgeries and treatments that may not cure me. That I may die from this.  I was fortunate that it was Stage 2a and required no further treatment.  That was great news, but bad news at the same time.  No scans to make sure it wasn't in there?  No radiation to make sure if it was, that it will be treated? Nope.  Just watch and wait.  I think about it every day.  It has become part of me.  I should not have to hide it.  I will not hide it.  No one should have to hide part of them to make others feel comfortable. 

Cancer makes you stronger than you ever knew you could be.  And I am forever grateful for it, because it has taught me so much about life.  Melanoma gave me strength, and it helped me find myself.   I wasn't living before the cancer but, I sure as hell am living now.